The Art of Tetman Callis

Some of the stories and poems may be inappropriate for persons under 16

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Desserts for the Reading of the K.J.V.

Macaroons are suitable for Job, but Psalms calls for chunky chocolate chips.

Plain sugar cookies, of course, for Genesis, and shortbreads for Exodus.

What else but ladyfingers for Ruth?

You will find graham crackers, in their several varieties, to be perfect (or close enough) for Leviticus, Chronicles, and Kings.

Jeremiah, Isaiah, all those minor prophets that follow?  If you can’t get chocolate-covered locusts, mouthfuls of coarsely-crushed quartzite are what you should have your heart set on.

You can reward yourself in the Gospels with a wide variety of creme-fills, the kind you twist open to scrape with your teeth, letting the filling melt sweetly on your tongue (do be good and eat the cookie parts, too).

Save your ginger snaps for the Epistles.

For the Apocalypse of John, take a large, curved needle, of the type for sewing canvas, thread it with a good, sturdy twine, and sew the fingertips of your right hand to your bottom lip.

(Originally published in Pif Magazine, March 1, 2014. Copyright 2014 by Tetman Callis.)

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