The Art of Tetman Callis

Some of the stories and poems may be inappropriate for persons under 16

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Shelving

Tammi said she doesn’t read in bed.  She said beds are for other things.  I told her my doctor said the same thing, that I shouldn’t read in bed.  I think she was intrigued because when she first saw me, I was reading aloud from the Marquis de Sade, at an open mike in a bar.  I think she was disappointed when it turned out I was only reading.  I think I was, too.

It was the part where the Marquis has the Mother Superior advise all pretty young things to copulate with wild abandon before they grow old and full of regret, that I was reading to the audience in the bar.  It wasn’t much of an audience.  Tammi was sitting all the way at the back.  There was no one between her and me.  When I finished reading and sat back down on my barstool, I was all the way to the front.

Tammi walked up to me with a glass of wine in her hand.

Red wine.

I read the Marquis de Sade’s book, by myself, in bed.  The book was heavy.  I got about halfway through, then I got bored.  There are only so many ways virgins can be roasted before it becomes tiresome.

Still, that Marquis had some wild feasts.  Charred this and basted that.  Sweet desserts.  Lots to drink.

Candles.

Cookies and milk would be nice, now that I think of it.  I wonder what Tammi eats in bed.

Oyster crackers?  She was from Massachusetts.

Anchovies.

She started to pull her pants partway down, to show me a bruise on her hip.  Right there in the bar.  It was dark, but it was light enough to see she had a nice hip.  It’s an easy bet the other hip was just as nice.

The harder bet is, which would be nicer: cookies and milk, or Tammi’s hips?

Really, I’m serious.  You may say the answer’s obvious.  I say there are some pretty nice cookies on the shelves at major stores.

(Originally published in Happy 16, 2001.  Copyright 2001 by Tetman Callis.)

8 Comments

8 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Lisa H Golden // Jul 12, 2011 at 7:08 pm

    This made me laugh out loud. And hungry.

  • 2 Tetman Callis // Jul 12, 2011 at 7:17 pm

    I never did finish that book. But I still have it.

  • 3 Lisa H Golden // Jul 13, 2011 at 8:53 am

    That’s one of too too many that I haven’t attempted.

  • 4 Tetman Callis // Jul 13, 2011 at 9:05 am

    So much to read, so little time. I’m embarrassed to confess what I haven’t read, so I won’t. But the Marquis is an acquired taste. Can’t say for sure I’ll visit him again. So much to read…

  • 5 Averil Dean // Jul 13, 2011 at 2:28 pm

    This is adorable. Cookies and the Marquis de Sade. Tell us another one, Tetman.

  • 6 Tetman Callis // Jul 13, 2011 at 5:00 pm

    Thank you, Averil. Next weekend probably I’ll post another previously published story. I don’t have too many left. Once I run out, I’ll have to post something else. Maybe previously published poetry. Or maybe a previously unpublished book, in daily installments.

  • 7 Averil Dean // Jul 14, 2011 at 8:40 am

    I’ll read anything you write, my friend. I’ve got nothing but dark and angsty erotica on my site, so I like to rub elbows with the classier members of Betsy’s tribe in the hopes that it may someday rub off on me.

    I vote for the poetry. If we’re voting, that is.

  • 8 Tetman Callis // Jul 14, 2011 at 6:51 pm

    Classy, I can’t believe I’m passing for classy. I’m one scrambling grasp above white trash, scion of the enlisted masses of the United States Army, schooled in the paltry impoverished public schools of West Texas, more highly educated in state universities (though there was that encounter with NYC).

    The poetry will come, all in good time. Some of it can already be found stuck to strands of the interwebs. It’s not all of it embarrassing, just some of it.

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