The Art of Tetman Callis the talking french cat

the talking french cat

First published in Mad Hatters’ Review, #12, 2011. Copyright 2011 by Tetman Callis.

            it gets darker and i hold my plastic frog in my hand and i pull the thumbtack out of my frog and i push the thumbtack into my frog and my talking french cat sits next to me in my chair and it doesn’t say a word my cat doesn’t and people

            they come into my house but i didn’t

            i didn’t invite them i

            they look at my things and they take my things before they leave but i don’t 

            i don’t

            i don’t let them they can’t take my chair and my frog and my talking french cat

            they can’t

            i won’t


            i always put the matches and the lighter in the cupboard before i go to work always always always because what if someone broke in and wanted to steal

            they wanted to steal all the stuff i don’t have anymore

            i don’t have it

            all that

            it’s gone so they get mad and they set my house on fire they set it on fire i’d come home from work and there would be fire trucks and police cars and people all looking and saying what a shame the man’s house got

            it got burned down there goes his talking french cat and his chair and his frog

            did you see what he did to that frog



            i keep

            my gates i keep them locked now so

            they’re locked and so people can’t even get into my yard i put

            late at night i went out and i put razor wire on the fence i nailed it

            the firemen would have to stand in the street and spray their hoses from there if the robbers broke in and set my house on fire the police

            the police would keep the people back across the street sorry folks there’s nothing to see here there’s


            i have a club

            it’s a club that’s a branch from a tree and i wrapped

            razor i wrapped

            i wrapped razor wire on

            really it’s a branch in the bedroom corner there’s a knife under the bed just in case and the windows are shut

            they’re shut

            i keep them

            and the doors are locked i won’t be taken

            no one will take me

            i nail razor wire to my window frames on the inside

            inside my house with my cat and my frog i check the pilot lights every

            all of the pilots lights i check them every day

            there won’t

            there won’t be any accidents no sir


            i come home from

            home from work and the windows


            the windows

            the fences are torn down the razor

            someone cut my razor wire

            cut it all to shreds the pilot lights

            the lights are all blown out the matches and the lighter

            they’re gone


            from the cupboard where i know i put them i checked three times

            three times three times always

            i count i always count


            it gets darker and

            it gets

            it’s night

            the wind blows

            hard it blows hard

            i go out

            out to my back yard where i scream as loud

            as loud

            as loud i scream i want

            i scream and wrap myself in razor wire and fall to sleep on the ground and dream my talking

            my talking french cat

            i dream my cat has found

            it gets darker

            my cat has found