“Your cat wants to do more than disrupt your life. Your cat wants to be your life. And if your cat isn’t already your life, do you even have a cat? Don’t try to use a laptop. Don’t try to shut a door. Don’t you dare try to sleep in whatever part of the bed you want. You want to take a shit in peace? Absolutely not. You want to have adult alone time with one or more consenting fellow grown humans? Fuck you. Your cat definitely wants to rule your entire world and direct every single action you take. Your cat knows better than you, and you know this to be true, and your cat knows you know.” – Sara Benincasa, “Which Local Animals Are Plotting to Ruin You?” (emphasis in original)