“Using words to lie destroys language. Using words to cover up lies, however subtly, destroys language. Validating incomprehensible drivel with polite reaction also destroys language. This isn’t merely a question of the prestige of the writing art or the credibility of the journalistic trade: it is about the basic survival of the public sphere.” – Masha Gessen, “The Autocrat’s Language”
Author: Tetman Callis
frightened girlsfrightened girls
frightened girls who want to be loved take whatever they’re given
convincing themselves that lies are true
that being robbed is the same as freely giving
frightened girls who want to be loved are blessings to the vain
cursings to themselves
subject at any time of night or day to random boot and slamming fist
frightened girls who want to be loved
mourning what they’ve taken
mourning all that has been given them
(Copyright 2023 by Tetman Callis.)
homo debitorhomo debitor
god’s covenant expired in the year of our lord the zinc penny,
impaled on the axis running from the berlin of the wannsee conference
to the chicago of the fermic pile
we live now as debtors
owing borrowed time greatly in excess of annual income
the animal smarter than wise,
cursed fat-head with opposable thumbs,
the show-stopping act of the monkey on its own back
better it would be to be the careless sparrow or the scuttering roach,
or the bothersome gnat striving at the window-pane
(Copyright 2023 by Tetman Callis.)
“It is important not to equate literature with political protest, otherwise there is a risk of falling into inaction. Yes, the word is already a deed, but it may not be enough. Protest mobilizes people, protest has a very applied and clear pragmatic function, while literature does not have to do all that. Also, literature and its effects are more difficult to predict. Literature offers more room for individual interpretation.” – Daria Serenko, “Fighting Words” (interviewed by Jana Prikryl)
cooldaddycooldaddy
my daddy is
so cool he speaks
german and smokes
pot flirts with girls
half his age drives
at twice the limit
on the wrong
side of the road
eats the candies he
finds on the floor
takes me for
walks in rough
neighborhoods looks
evil in the eye
believes there is
nothing about himself
or his life that
isn’t a waste
(Copyright 2023 by Tetman Callis.)
the gorgon aphroditethe gorgon aphrodite
twice in ten days, in neighborhoods five miles
apart, the same woman has approached me
on the streets. frantic, animated, hell-bent
on death, her cheeks ravaged, her breasts high and firm
underneath her nondescript shirts, her entire
being a suppressed scream of junkie and whore,
i paid no attention to the details
of her story. it’s always the same story.
i’ve flirted with enough bad company
to have heard it a time or two before,
though maybe never from a woman whose
breasts appeared so enticing. her waist was
narrow, too, comely and not too narrow,
her hips of good proportion, her butt nicely
rounded. too bad about the rest of her.
the second time she stopped me to pitch her
petition, she showed no sign of remembering
the first time. i didn’t choose to remind her,
but i gave her five dollars for whatever
it was she needed. she asked me my name.
i told her we’re all the same. and we are,
but we are not. she insisted on shaking
my hand. i didn’t tell her the most
important thing she could do would be to
die. i shook her hand, then washed my
hands as soon as i could.
“It’s not the responsibility of literature to offer people support and pleasure. Literature can do that, but it doesn’t have to.” – Daria Serenko, “Fighting Words” (interviewed by Jana Prikryl)
after the dreamingafter the dreaming
we woke up, wearing clothes and carrying weapons
we woke up, our women carrying babies on their hips
as we wandered the dry, sun-drenched plains
we woke up to find ourselves living in crowded cities
drinking beer in the cool, dark shops
grinding grain and gossiping by the city walls
watching the seasons and marking the stars
calculating when to plant the corn
painting ourselves, hacking the gemstones, melting the ores
prostrating ourselves before ten thousand gods
slicing the hearts from endless rows
of sacrificial victims captured by the soldiers
arrayed in endless rows of the armies
we found ourselves marching in when we woke up
out of our dreaming and into this nightmare
(Published in Synchronized Chaos, September, 2013; copyright 2023 by Tetman Callis.)
the latest true messiahthe latest true messiah
the latest true messiah has arrived in town
he’s wearing sunglasses
he’s here to dedicate the new power plant
he has a winning smile
he wears a fine blue shirt and points this way and that
he says he’d love to stay a while longer and talk some more with us if only he could
but he has so very many things to do
his bodyguards make a way for him through the pressing crowd
we give way and he is gone
we don’t know when he may return but we are sure he will
we are sure he knows we want him to
(Copyright 2023 by Tetman Callis.)
hehe
he holds me down
he says, wider
he says, deeper
he says, you shall have no other before me
he says, you shall learn to love me for this
he fills me up, it hurts every time
he waits in the morning for me
he stands in the doorway
i turn my face away
(Copyright 2023 by Tetman Callis.)
“Whether Creation is thought of as the act of God evoked in Genesis or as the great singularity that has yielded, for our purposes, everything, the moment of Creation never ended. Fiat is always as good a metaphor as any for this stupendous, ongoing burst of energy that sustains itself as it changes, lending charm and strangeness to quarks, giving ingenuity to minds and hands, turning the heads of sunflowers. Anomalous as we seem, we are in the thick of it, together with all being.” – Marilynne Robinson, “Glories Stream from Heaven Afar” (interviewed by Daniel Drake and Lauren Kane)
things to do todaythings to do today
trim my fingernails
wash my dirty clothes
press my wrinkled shirt
shine my dusty shoes
buy some groceries
clean my living room
burn my memories
mend my broken heart
hug my only child
close my tired eyes
(Copyright 2023 by Tetman Callis.)
“It is not to be believed how innocent people are when no one is eavesdropping.” – Elias Canetti, The Earwitness: 50 Characters (trans. Joachim Neugroschel)
prayer for rainprayer for rain
dear lord,
if i take this cup of bitter dregs you’ve given me to drink
and dash it against your rock,
will sweet, cool water flow, washing away the knifing shards?
will there be enough to quench my thirst and cleanse myself?
or will i simply find myself still stuck in your immense desert,
with only my cupped, supplicating hands, and no water—
merely clods of damp soil i’ve clawed from deep beneath
the foot of your burning bush?
then you can watch me place your dirt in my mouth,
and suck until it’s dry.
lord, you are so easily amused.
(Published in gutter eloquence magazine, Issue #20, March 2012; copyright 2023 by Tetman Callis.)
in a weightless worldin a weightless world
i thought it was because they were poor that they didn’t have
sliding glass doors in vietnam during the war
my father walked right into ours after he came back
knocked his glasses off
left a smudge
he said he wasn’t used to sliding glass doors
the dog had run into the door, too
once, in a hurry, before my father came back
left a dog-nose smudge lower down
my mother kept everything very clean
all smudges were soon gone
that door was clean to nonexistence
clean enough to eat off, in a weightless world
(Copyright 2023 by Tetman Callis.)
“We’re now in a situation where the greatest Ukrainian warlord in history is a Jew, which proves that God is Jewish and has a sense of humor.” – Timothy Snyder, “The Making of Modern Ukraine: Ukrainian Ideas in the 21st Century” (emphasis in original)
althaea blattariaalthaea blattaria
there is something inside myself
soft and sweet as fresh marshmallow
but somewhat more alive—
there it is
over in the corner
scuttering away by the baseboards
not in its persistence to be underestimated
it can in its reshaping shape itself from animal to plant
like a weed grown out of the spot where a cockroach was crushed underfoot
such a mess—there!
wth this strap-cutter and its single-edged blade,
i can excise this thing
it will take only a few deft strokes to remove
(Copyright 2023 by Tetman Callis.)
safetysafety
someone has been in my back yard
from my kitchen window i can see where the razor wire
has been pulled from off the rickety fence
there is no protection
no way of staying safe
not even if i posted signs that read
there is nothing here but fear and empty husks
anyway
that would be a lie
(Copyright 2023 by Tetman Callis.)
“Truly my own body being sickly, brought me easily into a capacity, to know that health was the greatest of all earthly blessings, and truly he was never sick that doth not believe it.” – Nicholas Culpeper, The Complete Herbal
seven devils bridgeseven devils bridge
where am i in a world that goes only round and round
where am i under night-time helicopters
and every next-door dog at bark
where am i under hand claps just outside the bathroom window
and sounds of pistol fire from two-three blocks away
another helicopter flies over
september’s nights are too warm
spiders climb the walls
neighbor-boys play basketball and laugh is where they are
laughing and playing in a world that goes only round and round
(Published in High Street: Lawyers, Guns & Money in a Stoner’s New Mexico (2012, Outpost 19); copyright 2023 by Tetman Callis.)
anythinganything
i turn on the television while i roll my first joint.
markets are rising and falling.
the japanese are calling for calm.
the spa i summered in seasons ago has been destroyed by intelligent bombs.
the chinese are demanding revenge.
the vengeful are demanding chinese.
there’s cold carry-out in the refrigerator, on the bottom shelf.
i roll my second joint.
it’s another working day. anything could happen.
(Published in High Street: Lawyers, Guns & Money in a Stoner’s New Mexico (2012, Outpost 19); copyright 2023 by Tetman Callis.)
“The First World War was the moment when basically the countries which governed the planet—ruled the planet—decided to have a terrible war on the tiny bit of territory they were from, kill each other on the scale of millions and then tens of millions, and then see what would happen.” – Timothy Snyder, “The Making of Modern Ukraine: Republics and Revolutions”
“If you want to lose a war, there’s a trick, which is, start one.” – Timothy Snyder, “The Making of Modern Ukraine: Republics and Revolutions”
“You can’t make sense of yourself without other people. And you can’t make sense of yourself without listening. And you can’t make sense of who you really are without understanding what influences are coming in from where and what circumstances.” – Timothy Snyder, “The Making of Modern Ukraine: Polish Power and Cossack Revolution”
“Are you speaking the language, or is it speaking you?” – Timothy Snyder, “The Making of Modern Ukraine: Before Europe”
“I had made plans to attend a family reunion in California in about a month. I dreamed I saw my grandmother who had died the year before. She was glad to see me and she hugged me and we talked. Then she said, ‘Well, I’ll see you in California.’ I was very taken aback and decided she must not realize she was dead and couldn’t be at the reunion. After a long, awkward pause I said hesitantly, because it seemed rude to point it out, ‘But Grandma, you’re dead.’ She said cheerfully, ‘I know that. You’ll be dead too when you get to California.’ At least partly because of this dream, I cancelled my plans and never went to that reunion.” – Unidentified dreamer, quoted by Deirdre Barrett in “Through a Glass Darkly: Images of the Dead in Dreams”
“What is the point in battering oneself against the bars of one’s cage? To suffer less from the smallness of the gaol, one should stay in the center of it.” – André Gide (as quoted by Julian Jackson in France: The Dark Years, 1940-1944)
“Totalitarian regimes are hard to resist because their control of society is so all-encompassing. But by trying to influence behaviour that more liberal states ignore, or leave in the domain of private life, they politicize what had previously been unpolitical and private, and thereby increase the surface of possible opposition. If, say, listening to jazz is prohibited, a previously innocent activity becomes a sort of resistance, or at least pushes civil society into an opposition that is the precondition of organized resistance. This makes it necessary to extend the notion of resistance beyond politics. The extent to which individuals retain autonomy defines the limits of a totalitarian regime’s success in transforming civil society.” – Julian Jackson, France: The Dark Years, 1940-1944
“Other possibilities seem more remote the longer you run away from yourself, until the you you now hate has become the sunk cost fallacy that is your daily waking life, and if you change one thing then you’ll have to change another.” – Liza Olson, “The Girls in the Room”
“If we cannot help but blame others for things that are beyond their control, this may be because wretchedness is our basic condition, as inevitable as it is blameworthy, and only an ideology—such as the one that has reigned throughout modernity—that stresses our earthly perfectibility will place the wretched in the earthly purgatories of rehab clinics and ‘correctional institutions’ and psychiatric outpatient clinics, where in each case the purported goal is to purge the wretchedness right out of a person.” – Justin E. H. Smith, “A Surfeit of Black Bile”